At The Crossroad

After my beer ran dry and finishing my previous blog entry, I plurked about it before I went to bed. Without realising what I've unleased, a lively discussion ensued. By the time I wake up and check the plurk, it already had garnered 120 over responses while I was sleeping. It totally took me by surprise. But the different and diverse points brought up were actually very good (it is really worth reading through them). It actually enabled me to thread my fragmented thoughts into one cohesive understanding.

Truth be told, in recent years, I've been cruising in my venture. Even though the workload has increased and I've been stressed, I was still the big fish in the small pond. In actual fact, I felt a void which I can't describe. This confused me. So when I see other people soaring and driven, I felt empty. It was neither envy nor jealousy. It was something else and this had haunted me for the past weeks.

I believe I'm at the mid-point of my working lifespan. By some definition, I'm moderately successful. I lead a comfortable life financially because I'm not a big spender. I don't require much materialistic stuff to satisfy my ego. I was comfortable and that lies the root of the problem.

I guess the real question that had been plaguing me for the past week was really the purpose and potential of my existence. Are the current achievements the true limit of my potential? What if I'm a marathon runner who can run a 100km race but I had only allowed myself to compete in a 10km race?

There lies the disparity.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sleeping dragon (卧龙) waiting to be awaken? Maybe there is a sleeping dragon in each and everyone of us, waiting for us to awaken them and we'll soar free and high into the clear blue sky!

It is not really about achieving more fortune and fame. It is really about realising one's full potential in our limited existence in this world. Fame and fortune is really just a by-product of the journey. Some may ask, so what can we do with more wealth that can last more than a lifetime? My answer is that, we can use our wealth to help others, channel our resources in the charitable causes and sponsor medical researches in areas that will help save lives. Look at Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. They have donated much of their wealth for the betterment of human kind.

I know these are big dreams. I don't know if I can even come close to achieving them. But if I don't even try, these dreams would shatter even before it begins. So what if in the end, I'm really just a 10km marathon runner? Then I'll push myself to run 11km, 12km...

If I had wasted time, now it is time to test my limits and realise my full potential if it had not already been reached.

I'm now a fish ready to swim into the big ocean and face all the new challenges. I shall not be satisfied to just be a big fish in a small pond. One of my friend remarked this as a small islander mentality. The friend feels that this is why so many of us have restricted ourselves just to the small Singapore island when there is a bigger world outside beyond our 710.2 km² land mass.

Is it really just a simple small islander mentality? I wonder if it could even be due to our government propaganda? Election after election, the ruling party has repeatedly told us that we need them and Singapore won't survive if we don't elect them. Time and time again, the ruling party would drum into our conscious and subconscious mind that they have the best talents on the island in their party. On the flip side, it seems to say that we are useless and we can't stand on our feet by ourselves. The propaganda may also seem to imply since we who are not in the party, we are not talented. This may have inadvertently created a mental cluth, restricted our ambition and make us believe that we were not meant for greater things. Is that why we have a dearth of globally successful entrepreneur (do we even count Sim Wong Hoo)?

I'm now standing at a crossroad: one path is clear, straight and easy to travel; the other path is dark and winding, filled with brambles and obstacles with no end in sight.

I know which path to take now. The choice is clear.