Conversations

Had a conversation with a good friend online some time ago.

NP: I always believe that respect is something people with low-opininons of themselves would crave or strive for.

Me: ouch!

NP: why "ouch"?

Me: maybe i also have low opinion of myself? sometimes i seek respect and recognition too?

NP: self-confidence has always been your issues from the way you blog and the way you perceive things

Me: understand. me is me lor

Me: this is my journey of self-discovery

NP: yes, I respect you for that

Who am I? Sometimes I wonder. I look at the face of the person in the mirror and sometimes I don't recognise him. What am I doing here? I ponder. Been in this path for the past 9 years and sometimes I don't think I've achieved much at all. I feel like I could have achieved so much more but I've not given my all. I had been lost and wasted time. What will the next 9 years bring? Where will I be by then?

Sometimes it is so difficult to continue, to wake up in the morning to face the challenges of a new day. Maybe I'm just tired. Even though I'm supposedly doing something what I wanted to do but then why do I still feel so chained and as though my wings are clipped. Maybe I'm really just tired. It has not been an easy two weeks. Most of the days in the past 2 weeks, I had been getting only 3, 4 hours of sleep.

The responsibilities of running a company clings heavily on my shoulders. Sometimes I feel suffocated.

I want to be free again. I want to run and shout at the heavens. I want to laugh, I want to cry. I long for the day when I can be carefree again. When I can just drop everything and buy a plane ticket and take a vacation. But I can't. Not now.

Am I human? Or am I a lost soul?